


Armed and Dangerous

by arrowinthesky (restfulsky5)



Series: Where We Were Born [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Clueless!Jim, Confused!Jim, Firsts, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, McCoy is a little clueless too, Pining, Realizations, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 16:24:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4794296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/restfulsky5/pseuds/arrowinthesky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>McCoy is privately challenged to an arm wrestling match in the distant future. He accepts and trains. Two months later, Jim can't help but notice.</p><p> </p><p>Second stand-alone work in the Where We Were Born series, a collection of realizations and various firsts between Jim and Bones. Includes regular and AU one-shots.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Armed and Dangerous

**Author's Note:**

> I am finally posting the completed work. To all who were waiting for this, so sorry for the wait! Hope you enjoy it! Rubyhair- thank you so much for the beta!!! 
> 
> If you are following And If I Stand Next To You, I do plan to update that in about a week! Also, Call of the Void, very, very soon. September hit and my work load increased - and now I'm scrambling for time to write when I'm not so tired. Thanks so much for your patience!

Jim stood in Bones' office, waiting for the doctor to finish with his paperwork. They were going to be drinking buddies tonight and as much as that thought thrilled him because it had been close to a month since he'd even had a drop of alcohol, Jim couldn't take his eyes off the way the doctor's uniform stretched over his arms.

Since when did Bones have muscles like that? Jim looked down at himself and the extra, loose fabric of his uniform along his own arms. One year into the five year mission and Jim had long since regained his strength from dying but he'd had too many recent mishaps to push himself in his workouts. He'd probably lost muscle mass again, if he were to be honest with himself. But Bones...his arms were nothing less than impressive. "Are you working out?" Jim asked him.

Bones looked up from his PADD and deadpanned, "That isn't you who joins me in the gym every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday?"

Jim flushed. Could he have asked a dumber question? "I...uh...I mean more than usual."

"Blame your head swordsman," Bones said with a wave of his hand.

"Sulu?" Jim asked, confused.

Bones picked up his mug and sipped his coffee. "He thinks he can take me in an arm wrestling match," was all Bones offered and he returned to his work.

Jim couldn't keep his eyes off of those arms. How had this even happened? Bones was strong but Jim had always been a little stronger. But this...this was strange. He didn't know how he felt about it, actually. Bones oozed of strength, even underneath the long sleeves. This meant Bones was stronger than Jim, but Jim was the captain. Jim was the captain, but, more than likely, Bones was stronger. He couldn't be. It wasn't right if things were switched like this. It was wrong, and it was... Jim bit his bottom lip - hard. He didn't know what to think. He didn't... Jim breath caught. Bones was staring straight at him with a quizzical expression.

"Ya alright, Jim? You're a little red." Bones cocked his head, now frowning as he perused Jim from head to toe. "It has been only two days since you were in here. Maybe you shouldn't be drinking tonight."

"No, I'm fine," Jim said. He swallowed. He felt something actually flutter in his chest. It stayed there, like a squirmy, unwanted bug. It was a strange feeling and it grew even stranger when his heart started to race. He took a step back, his eyes dropping again to Bones' arms as the doctor got to his feet and put away the handful of PADDs and then proceeded to reorganize several cases of hyposprays. The doctor's arms reached and bent, strained and showing off every minute of Bones' time spent in the gym. "I think...maybe..."

Jim stopped, unable to explain himself. What was this in his stomach? Butterflies? The last time he'd had butterflies in his stomach was right before Tarsus, when he'd been on a date with a girl as a freshman in school - he'd skipped a grade - which ended badly because of Frank, but it'd had been a date with flowers and everything. Bones was no girl, and Jim wasn't a teenager, either. There definitely were no flowers involved in this situation. This feeling could mean only one thing. He was jealous of Bones.

Bones clapped him on the shoulder as he came empty handed beside Jim. "We should get to your quarters. I want to get off my feet," the doctor sighed tiredly. "Between you being in here last week and then the away team this morning getting a taste of the Erdra virus, I need a vacation, even if it's with the bottle."

"I forgot I won't have time I need to meet uh someone in the gym because they don't uh want to workout alone and I owe them one so I volunteered," Jim's words practically tripped over themselves.

Bones stared at him. "You're canceling on me?"

Jim opened his mouth but suddenly, his throat shrunk. The distance between Jim and the doctor shrunk, and the disappointment in Bones' eyes was impossible to miss. Canceling on Bones? Was he? He was just trying to leave before he made a fool of himself.

"Jim?"

"No?" Jim said with a hint of a squeak.

"You are."

The hurt in Bones' voice was unmistakeable, and Jim was an idiot to change plans like this. An idiot who was jealous of his best friend's sculpted and beautiful arms.

He had to straighten this jealousy out for himself before it got out of control or, worse, Bones noticed.

"Tomorrow." Jim refused feel guilty for his white lie. This white lie would save Bones from a lot of trouble. He took a step back. "I promise."

He'd need to start working harder in the gym every day. Not just two or three or four days but every day. In fact, maybe he could worm his way into the competition just so he'd have a goal - to build more muscle than his best friend.

Dammit. Why did Bones have to turn this into a competition?

Bones sighed and waved a hand, already dismissing Jim. "Fine. I have no energy tonight, anyway. Go do your thing at the gym and we'll talk tomorrow. You do have a vaccination scheduled bright and early."

"I'll be there," Jim said with a crack in his voice as he stared at the doctor's biceps. He couldn't have gotten that toned in just two months, could he? Had this been going on longer and Jim too dense to notice?

"Jim?" Bones' brow arched.

"I...uh...." Jim swallowed, not meeting his eyes. "I have to go."

He spun on his heel before Bones could see the look of complete mortification on his face. He pumped his legs, walking even faster after he turned the corner out of sickbay. He barely made it into the lift a moment later before closing the door and leaning over, with his hands on his thighs to catch his breath. Jim groaned, envisioning the entire, humiliating scene in his head. What the hell had that even been about? He could never talk to Bones again, let alone look him in the eye.

The doctor's arms were simply too distracting.

"Captain?"

Jim sprung up from his crooked posture and took a step backward. He smacked into wall behind him. "Ow," he grimaced. He straightened as much as he could, rubbing the spot on his back that had taken the hit.

"Captain? Are you alright?" His all too curious communications officer looked at him in concern. As usual, nothing about her was out of place despite her full shift.

"Uhura." Jim cleared his throat. "Sorry about that."

He didn't say more. He wasn't up to small talk, honestly not believing that he could manage with this issue of Bones' newly sculpted arms spinning around in his mind. Besides, his voice was still squeaky. Jim fidgeted with his too loose uniform. This day was quickly going downhill. What else was he going to do to embarrass himself?

"Are you alright?" Her eyes sharpened as she watched his nervous gesture, and Jim forced himself not to look away.

"Just peachy." He tried to smile. Just peachy? He might as well pour out his soul to the linguistics queen.

"Did you just come from sickbay?" She asked.

It was Uhura's way of asking if he should go back.

She adjusted her perfect ponytail and cocked her head at him, her arms falling at her sides, looking casual but Jim knew she was trying to figure him out.

Go back? Jim shook his head. "No. No way."

A smile tugged at her lips. "Thought your aversion to sickbay wasn't so bad lately. Guess I was wrong."

Jim frowned, but Uhura's smile widened as she stepped out of the lift.

"Wait," Jim said quickly. She turned, her brow delicately arched in question. "What do you mean you thought my... uh...aversion to sickbay wasn't so bad?"

"If it's at all possible, you go down there at least once during your shift," she said softly.

Of course he did. He liked to see Bones, and he was captain. He could go anywhere he wanted to, whenever he wanted to - within reason. He felt relaxed the minute his friend was in the same room. And lately, the stress had risen with the diplomatic missions they'd had, two of the three being the Jim-almost-dies-from-an-allergic-reaction kind. He'd almost died - twice. The first mission hadn't been that bad, considering. He hadn't been able to breathe well, but Bones had taken care of that in just three days. It was the second mission that had put Jim flat on his back for a week as they watched his heart and lungs, and another week with limited mobility. Jim was still feeling the effects of that one. The third mission, the mission that had been only two days ago, Bones had been the one in danger, thanks to an earthquake. Before Jim could even reach out his hand to help the doctor from the cliff's edge that the ground underneath them had created, Bones had heaved himself up onto solid ground. Jim had grabbed his hand anyway to ensure his safety, pulling him towards him until the doctor was steady on his feet.

Something in Jim began to hurt, down to the quick. Bones had clearly been fine without him. He hadn't needed him. Not really, not with this new strength. There had been danger, but the doctor had saved himself. Jim had been close to him, so close, but Bones...Jim shook his head at himself. What the hell was wrong with him? Bones was safe and that was all that mattered. Not some dumb, insignificant feeling he was experiencing.

"...and you usually go right after your shift, these days," Uhura was saying. Jim swallowed and forced his brain to catch up to her words. "Not to mention the days you meet Leonard for a meal. I think you've see him several times a day, not that I'm counting, but..." Her voice trailed off.

He imagined people just counted anyway, being that he was the captain. "Yeah," Jim said quietly, looking down at the floor. Remembering Bones hanging from the edge of the cliff with a vacuum of space below him gutted him every time. "I guess...the earthquake...scared me."

"Sure," she said, eyes warming. "Are you okay, captain?"

"We're off duty, Uhura," he reminded her, saying nothing of his heavy heart.

"Jim, do you need Leonard?" She said in a quiet voice.

"I..." Jim didn't know what he needed but he managed a tight smile. "I'm fine."

He stepped out of the lift, not realizing that as soon as he walked away, Uhura went back into the lift and headed to sickbay.

 

oOo

 

After McCoy watched Jim scramble out of his office, he stood, literally scratching his head. He still had his hand on his head. Jim had acted skittish, as if he didn't want to spend time with him. If that was the case, McCoy would rather not force Jim to spend time with him, even though they hadn't had the time that after shifts that they'd use to have in the previous weeks. That was the ebb and flow of life on a starship. Unpredictable, sometimes lonely. Especially without Jim.

McCoy sighed and sank into his seat at his desk, allowing his head to drop into his hands. He'd been really looking forward to tonight. It was disappointing that Jim changed plans at the last minute, but maybe he could at least get caught up or even ahead on his work now that he was spending the evening alone. It was the bright side of things, but it only caused a hurt to swell in McCoy's chest.

The hurt reminded him too much of Jim, so he left the devices on his desk and headed for his quarters.

He was stopped by Uhura right outside his office. She crossed her arms, lifted her chin, and flashed her eyes at him. Great. It was one extreme to the next. First, someone who left him high and dry and now, someone who had a look on her face that could kill.

"Uhura, is there something I can do for you?" McCoy asked.

"Leonard, you may want to check up on the captain," Uhura clipped.

That woke him up. "Why? What's wrong? Where is he?"

Uhura's eyes widened. "I just meant that he wasn't really himself."

"Oh, well, maybe he's just having an off day," McCoy said hastily, trying to cover up his overreaction. But, it was true. Jim had looked oddly flushed before he'd left.

"He's had some close calls recently," she stated. "And then...so did you."

"That?" McCoy had been in danger, yes, but had managed to get himself to safety. "It wasn't anything compared to the close calls Jim has had."

"That may be what you think, but it's not what Jim thinks."

McCoy stopped everything else that he was doing and looked at her.

"He was scared, Leonard," she said continued in a quiet voice. "Just a little bit ago, he said he'd been scared."

"I...didn't know," he said, disliking the uncomfortable roll of his stomach. Not often did Jim admit he was scared. In fact, he knew of only two times. Once, to Spock when he was dying in the warp core and the second, when he'd told McCoy after the fact. "And...he told you this?"

"You never talked about it?" She asked. "The earthquake?"

"No," McCoy said slowly. Jim had clammed up after that. When they'd spoken later, it'd been about tonight but then Jim canceled. "I'd go talk to him but I think he wants to be alone. He canceled our plans tonight."

"You had plans tonight?" Uhura raised her hand and with two fingers, tapped her chin. "And he canceled," she murmured. "Huh."

"Doesn't make sense, does it," McCoy said. "I need to get to my quarters, Uhura. Might as well get some work done or extra rest."

"He's upset. Just _try_ to talk with him."

McCoy shook his head. "He said he had to go workout in the gym with some..."

His voice trailed off when he caught Uhura looking at him with pity.

He sighed. "Jim wouldn't make up something like that to avoid me."

"Are you sure?" She asked gently.

"Now why did you even have to ask me that?"

"Because I remember what he was like with Gaila."

McCoy flinched. He hadn't meant to but the nights he'd spent alone while Jim warmed her bed instead of being in Jim's bed, in _their_ room, always bothered him a little.

Uhura went on as if she'd never seen. "If Gaila had recently been with someone else, occasionally he'd make up excuses not to be with her, like he was busy doing a favor for someone else. Like...tutoring."

Jim had tutored other cadets quite frequently throughout their time at the Academy.

Oh, hell.

McCoy tried to grasp the concept. "He's jealous of me? Insecure? Is that what you're saying?"

"Does he have reason to be?" She replied.

"You listen to me," he said, pointing a finger at her. "I have the heaviest workload of anyone on this ship other than Jim. I have just as much responsibility and the same fucking amount of free time that Jim has - which is not enough by anyone's standards here. I drink too much when I'm stressed, I left my daughter with my ex and her no-good boyfriend, and I am slowly being driven insane by a certain Jim Kirk, a man-child whose idea of a good time usually involves both Spock and myself getting him out of trouble with a bonus visit to sickbay, where he will then hound me about getting out of sickbay so much that I'll want to sedate myself for a week. Do I _look_ like a man that someone else would be jealous of?"

He didn't realize he'd been snarling like a rabid dog at Uhura until her eyes widened and her mouth opened in a slight, astonished _oh_.

McCoy swallowed. What fool reason did he have for going off on her like that? None. Or, maybe one - Jim. He sighed.

"So, other than...that..." McCoy looked at her apologetically. "I...well..."

She arched a brow and gave him a grim smile. "Go on."

McCoy sighed. "Tell me. What you think of...Jim," he said quietly.

"I think," she mused, "that something is bothering him about you and you better figure it out before whatever it is...that this is between the two of you... gets worse."

He frowned.

"Because, I think something about Jim has you upset, too," she added.

He wasn't upset with Jim, not really. He just wanted things to be like they'd been between them.

"I guess you're right. We do need to figure this out," McCoy said. "Uhura..."

"Don't mention it," she said swiftly. "But do me a favor, Len."

"And what is that?" He asked, almost afraid of the answer.

"Don't ever threaten to sedate yourself for an unhealthy, extended period of time again or I'll tell Spock, who will tell Jim, who will find out on his own that he's being an idiot and that you are, too, and then he'll post a security detail at your side around the clock which will frustrate you more, and then who knows what will happen next," she said and strode away, leaving McCoy with the feeling that somehow, all of this was his fault and his fault alone.

 

oOo

 

Jim felt eyes boring into him as he worked with the weights. There were several crewmembers in the gym. More than several, so it didn't bother him until he turned and there was no one there, at least no one staring at him. He finished his solo workout a bit paranoid and when he got back to his quarters, he was too energized and sweaty - and lonely - to go to sleep.

He used the sonic shower and then stared at absolutely nothing once he made it to his couch. He drank the bottle of beer he'd saved for this night, and then the next that he'd wanted to give to Bones. And then the others he'd saved. The next day, he had a hangover on top of excessive exercising. He barely made it through the his shift, even after he discreetly asked Nurse Chapel for something to take the edge off his hangover. He'd sacrificed time with his best friend, and for what? A workout session that had made him this - too messed up for his own good? It hadn't helped him at all, but he couldn't let it go.

In fact, the next few days he did the same thing. He worked out twice as much and longer each day, foregoing any social activities so he had more time to exercise. He tracked when Bones was in the gym and double checked which gym Bones preferred and then made damn sure that he wasn't in there at the same time. Once, he walked in on McCoy swimming in the pool by accident but managed to slip out the door unnoticed. By the following week, he was avoiding his CMO while on duty, giving Spock tasks that required communication with the doctor and when that wasn't efficient, he did it himself but those times were painful. If there was a briefing, he only looked at McCoy when necessary. He acted busy, too busy to speak with anyone outside his shift so it wouldn't look odd that he wasn't speaking to Bones. He multi-tasked until he began to get sporadic headaches the second week of his self-imposed isolation. He multi-tasked as he multi-tasked to get his mind off Bones until it was the end of the third week. The day that the headaches worsened to an unbearable level was the day that he couldn't manage to make an excuse before it was too late.

It didn't matter that he'd put space in between him and his best friend. Every single time he saw McCoy, he still had to tear his eyes away at the muscle definition that lurked underneath the uniform. Staring at Bones in secret was the only thing saving him from insanity the last few weeks. The funny thing was, it was also causing this upheaval in his life. When Bones played his CMO card and ordered that he come to sickbay, Jim finally relented.

He'd reached his end. He couldn't keep this up, and off to sickbay he went as soon as McCoy demanded he come for a checkup.

"Jim?" McCoy's voice was stiff, his concern held at bay. But could Jim blame him? He'd done this to himself. "Ya alright?"

"Headache," he managed as he plopped down on a biobed. He squinted his eyes, reluctantly looking away from Bones. He needed a dark room and peace and quiet. The center of sickbay wasn't exactly the best place to find that.

"I know. Jim, your vitals aren't good at all," Bones said. "And this is some headache. Wouldn't you say it's closer to a migraine?"

"I'll take the rest of the day off, then," his said, voice paper thin.

"I don't think that will solve this," Bones said slowly. "Want to tell me what's going on with you?"

"I want to lie down where it's dark." He closed his eyes.

"Okay," Bones said, "and you will but I need to take care of this first. I'll give you a pain med and something to regulate your blood pressure. Maybe you need a few days off. It's been awhile since you've had any and you didn't take advantage of the last shore leave."

He'd forgotten about that. "Fine," he said. He opened his eyes, almost relieved that Bones had decided for him.

Bones looked at him in surprise. "You'll take three days?"

Jim shrugged, happily thinking of all the time he'd be able to spend in the gym if he'd had some time off and his headaches were gone.

"If that's the case, listen carefully. You're working too hard and too fast. You've been going to the gym quite a bit, lately. I believe you've been going too much - "

Jim began to panic. "No, I haven't," he protested.

"The computer doesn't lie, Jim."

Computer?

"Every time you enter a gym or a pool area, the program informs me of it," McCoy explained.

"You've been spying on me?" Jim dropped his shoulders in resignation. He should've known his plan wouldn't work.

"As your physician, it's my duty to watch over you," Bones said gently. "Especially when it concerns you going to the gym as much as you've been. You've haven't been taking care of yourself like you may think you have been."

Like hell. It was his duty to watch over Bones, not the other way around, wasn't it? But then there'd been that stupid earthquake and...

"Three days, starting now, Jim," Bones said.

Either he didn't see Jim trying to glare through his pain at him or he chose to ignore it. Jim kept his mouth shut while McCoy administered the pain medication and then gave him a small bottle filled with pills and instructions on what to do with them. He mumbled a thank you, or thought he had, right before Bones invited himself over to his quarters.

"And I'll come check in you tonight, Jim, after you had some time to rest."

Jim was in too much of a fog to say no to Bones' arms for once. "Okay, but wear short sleeves this time," he mumbled with a vague wave of his hand.

Bones cocked his head and looked at him with a strange expression on his face. Jim stared back at him, also confused. Why had he even said that?

"What?" Bones asked. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"'S hot in my quarters," Jim said weakly. "You'll be more comfortable."

"So, turn the temperature down, maybe?" Bones arched a brow.

"I like it warm?"

Bones leaned in and looked him straight in the eye. "Jim, I think you really have been pushing yourself. Go to your quarters. Sleep, and I'll be there later."

"You'll be there?" Jim repeated dumbly. "In a t-shirt?"

Jim decided he must really be out of it to want some time with Bones, after all his crazy attempts to avoid him.

One damn migraine had ruined it all.

"In a t-shirt? Yes," Bones affirmed in a tone that was more like a caress. Jim felt his migraine finally begin to subside. "I don't like it when you're hurt, but maybe it's a good thing you're going to be forced to lay low for awhile, Jim."

"You like it when I'm hurt?

"No, you idiot," Bones said. "You didn't hear me correctly."

"Then...what did you say?"

Bones crossed his arms. _His arms_. Maybe Bones would let him stay here.

"Jim, just go to your quarters, straight to bed," Bones said, his gentle voice washing over Jim like a soft, warm blanket.

"Okay," Jim blinked at him. He made no move to get up. He looked at the end of the biobed where a warmer cover was folded, just waiting to be tucked in around someone. Someone who had really fucked up the past few weeks...him.

"And when I get there..."

Bones' voice seemed to fade, and as Jim squinted up him, he saw two Bones'. Jim rubbed his eyes, not minding two Bones' at all. He yawned. "Yeah?"

Jim leaned back on the bed. He put his head on the pillow, his hands clasped on his chest, and sighed. Maybe Bones wouldn't mind if he just shut his eyes here, now that his migraine was almost gone. The bed was moveable. He imagined they'd move him out of the way, eventually. Besides, he was the captain and his best friend a muscular, fearless CMO. If anyone would let him stay or stand up to anyone who wanted to kick him out, it was Bones.

"Never mind, Jim. Just go to sleep," Bones' voice was soft. Something warm covered him. "I'll tell you later."

 

oOo

 

Jim's visits to sickbay were sometimes strange, but this one took the cake. A t-shirt? Like that had anything to do with...well...with anything. However, Jim had been cooperative, which was far more than McCoy had expected after witnessing Jim's behavior the past few weeks. He would've brought him to sickbay kicking and screaming if he'd had to. This had gone on long enough. Too long, actually. The captain had literally worked himself to exhaustion.

Once the sleeping captain was moved to a private room, McCoy searched for his head nurse. She was finishing up with a patient and as soon as she'd moved away, McCoy caught her attention.

"Christine," McCoy said.

"Yes, doctor," she said, waiting.

"Jim is to go directly to his quarters when he's done with his beauty sleep," McCoy said. "He's to do nothing else today."

"Find out any answers?" She asked.

"To what?"

She leaned forward. "To why he's been avoiding you?"

"How did you know that," McCoy asked, after a furtive glance around him. He led her to a quiet, unpopulated corner in sickbay.

"Well, it's sort of obvious, isn't it?" Christine asked. "He's usually so predictable when it comes to you, Len."

Predictable? McCoy tiredly rubbed his face. Did everyone know that Jim had been acting weird? Did everyone know how Jim acted in regards to him? "I don't know. I guess...yes?"

"He's worked himself too hard, and it has to do with you," Christine said.

"I'm not too sure," McCoy replied. Jim was complicated sometimes. McCoy should know. But then again, he really wasn't, at least not for him. McCoy knew many, many things about Jim. Some things that Jim didn't even know about himself. The things that made him tick. The things that put a smile on his face. Even the things that Jim had to ignore to get through the day.

McCoy began to have a thought that was a little too clear. Was Jim having to ignore him to get through the day?

"Start with his habits. They've changed. He's changed them drastically," Christine said. "And it's worn him down, Len."

McCoy was well aware that Jim couldn't keep pulling these shenanigans. "I'll take care of it tonight."

He should've taken care of it when Uhura had asked him to. He'd just lost his nerve then, when Jim turned around. McCoy had only a split second to hide his face. And the past weeks he'd been out of sorts himself.

"I'm sure it's nothing too awful." Christine added.

That was what McCoy thought, as well. But when Spock approached him as he entered the transporter room to accompany the away team, he discovered the situation was even worse than he'd first thought.

"May I have a word with you, doctor?" Spock asked before they stepped up on the platform.

"Yes, commander," McCoy said with a sigh. "Is this about Jim?"

"He is unwell."

 _He is driving me crazy_ , was what McCoy wanted to say, but he managed to nod once in agreement.

"He's overworked himself, that's all. He's off duty for three days." McCoy hesitated when Spock looked like he had something to say.

"If I may, doctor, I have noticed a fascinating reoccurrence the past three weeks," Spock stated.

Spock paused. McCoy waited. After a moment, he finally rolled his eyes and asked, "And what is that, pray tell?"

"He has taken extreme measures to avoid you, doctor, yet he goes out of his way to watch you when you are unaware," Spock simply said, and moved to the platform.

For a moment, McCoy couldn't make his feet join the rest of the team on the platform. Dammit, James Tiberius Kirk. Did everything that had to do with Jim have to be some sort of strange and crazy? And Spock was wrong. McCoy had been very aware of Jim watching him.

Once planetside, it was all McCoy could do to keep his mind on task. After collecting samples of a virus that was harmful to the planet's indigenous, alien species, he directed his team in sickbay. Once they were engaged in their study, McCoy returned to his quarters with only thirty minutes to spare before meeting Jim.

McCoy tore off his uniform and sank to the edge of his bed. He leaned over, elbows on knees, head in his hands. It took only a few seconds, as he sat shirtless and thinking of Jim Kirk and his perpetual staring problem and constant avoidance and imbalanced behavior and past patterns and gorgeous blue eyes, before he put it together for himself.

Goddamn, Jim Kirk.

And with that, McCoy reached for a short-sleeved black t-shirt.

 

oOo

 

When Bones came through his door later that night, Jim still hadn't figure out what to do with his hands or his feet. He ended up slouched against the wall, one hand in his jeans pocket. "Bones," he said as nonchalantly as he could.

Bones actually smiled at him. "Jim, sleep did ya some good, I see."

Jim's tongue twisted up when he realized Bones had taken his request to heart.

It made him happy. He smiled back.

"And you're right." Bones said, moving his neck like it had a crick in it. He tugged at the collar of his t-shirt. "It's like a sauna in here. You're sure you want your room so warm?"

"Uh...yeah?" They were only seconds into this little visit, and already Jim wanted to hide. "So, you want something to drink?" He asked, almost breathless. So what if Bones usually would help himself to anything Jim had. Jim couldn't really remember the last time he'd asked Bones if he wanted anything to drink.

Bones shook his head. "No, but thank you."

"Would you like to sit down?" Jim asked. The room was a bit too warm or maybe it was just him. He took a second glance at Bones, at his bare arms if he were to be honest, before going to the replicator himself and getting a cool glass of water. He gulped it down in no time, his back to Bones. He got another glass of water, just to fill the time. This was not going well at all. This was all kinds of awkward and he didn't know how to fix it. But, he could fix the temperature.

"Computer, increase temperature by three degrees," Jim said.

"You want to suffocate us?" Bones asked.

"What?" Jim asked, making his way back to Bones.

"Nothing," Bones pressed his mouth flat.

Jim stopped in his tracks. It wasn't nothing. Jim began to panic. What was he doing wrong? He'd been so out of touch with Bones, maybe he really had taken it too far and didn't know how to be around his friend anymore.

"Hey," Bones said softly, taking a step closer. "It's okay. If it's sauna weather you want, then I'm okay with it." Bones paused. His eyes seemed to sparkle. "And I wore short sleeves. I'm prepared for your craziness."

Jim looked to the floor. Bones thought he was crazy. That wasn't new, not really, but now Jim had nothing to say in reply.

Unfortunately, Bones did.

"Do you want to just get this out in the open?" The doctor asked softly.

"What out in the open?" Jim strangled out.

"Why you've been avoiding me for weeks?"

Jim stared straight at Bones and shook his head. Was Bones insane, too? That just might be opening a can of worms.

"I think you need to, Jim," Bones said. "And I think you need to do it now, before this evening goes any further."

"You think...?" Jim's chest squeezed until it hurt.

"Yes," Bones said firmly. "I do think you need to tell me. I'm not leaving until you do."

Jim's shoulders sagged. That was an ultimatum if there ever was one. "You're stronger than I am, Bones."

Bones straightened his spine like it hurt, his eyes smoldering as he narrowed them upon Jim.

Jim really wished he hadn't explained anything to his best friend. The way Bones pulled his shoulders back, standing even taller as he stared at Jim, caused something to pool in the pit of his stomach. Only the something wasn't unpleasant. It was...nice.

"I'm...stronger than you?" The doctor echoed.

"Yeah," Jim confessed, his voice wilting. "You are."

"Well, you've had a few unfortunate allergic reactions the last month or so," Bones said slowly. "That did put a damper on your workout schedule until recently."

"Yeah," Jim said in a small voice. "But not yours."

"And now your doctor won't let you work out because you worked yourself too hard, too fast." Bones frowned. "That's a little ironic."

Did Bones have to mention that? Jim strangely felt like crying.

"And this bothers you." Bones took two steps towards Jim, but his eyes pinned Jim to his spot. The doctor's expression darkened. "So all this time, all of these stunts you've been pulling, you avoiding me, you canceling on me, it's because...you've been jealous?"

"I don't...well...maybe?" Jim couldn't handle the doctor being so close and his body strangely began to lock up. He felt it in his shoulders first and then his jaw. He closed his eyes. _Kirk, pull yourself together._

But he couldn't, and when he heard the rustle of Bones' clothing as he stepped closer, he remained frozen.

"I don't know what to think of all of this," Bones said.

Jim didn't either, but the low, impassioned voice caught Jim's attention. Jim dared a peek at his friend, who now looked...almost angry. Shit, this really wasn't going well at all. He shouldn't have even answered Bones' question about his recent behavior. He should have - Jim gulped just thinking about it - lied. "Then don't think of it," Jim forced out. "It's not...important."

"It is important. We can't keep doing this, Jim," Bones said firmly. Jim's posture sagged. Bones was right. It was killing Jim to avoid him....and Bones? Bones looked unhappier by the second.

"Okay," Jim decided. "I'll try...uh..." Bones crossed his arms, scowling. Jim stared at the bulging biceps of his best friend. "I'll...dammit." He finished softly as his stomach flipped again. "I think I'll just...I'll just...go to my quarters."

"You _are_ in your quarters."

Jim groaned and smacked himself on the forehead. "Right. Then...I'll..."

"Kick me out?" Bones said. Something about the way his friend's voice changed reminded Jim of a smooth drip of honey being poured into a cup of fresh, comforting tea. Forgetting the questions, Jim breathed in and basked in the comfort. "Jim?"

Jim blinked to attention. "Come again?" He asked, just to hear the honey.

"Are ya kicking me out?"

The drawl was so sweet, the fear behind it so obvious that Jim felt awful for confusing his own quarters for somewhere else and causing this additional problem.

"No," he said, meaning it. "Stay. Please."

"Okay," Bones said. "I'll stay, but only if we talk about this."

Jim gulped. He wasn't up to that at all. "Uh-uh."

"So you want me to go?" Bones asked, face impassive.

"No," Jim's voice cracked. "Just...stay...stay where you are the rest of the night."

Bones arched a brow. "All night?"

"What?"

"You want me to stay here," Bones pointed at the floor, "all night?"

That wasn't what he really meant but it sounded like a good idea, at least to Jim. Staring at Bones was like staring at a piece of the best chocolate and then eating it. He couldn't get enough.

"Jim," Bones said when he didn't answer. "I don't think it's because you're jealous."

"What's not because I'm jealous?"

Bones rolled his eyes. "Will you pay attention to what I'm saying rather than to me?"

Jim's brow furrowed. "That doesn't make any sense, Bones. I have to pay attention to you if I want to listen to what you say."

Bones groaned and ran both his hands through his hair. "Jim. Focus. I don't think you've been acting this way because you're jealous."

Jim stared at Bones. "How would you know?"

"Because every time I turn to look at you, you're ogling my arms, kid, not glaring at them like you hate them."

Bones was right, he did stare at those arms a lot, but Jim didn't know how the hell he was supposed to just admit something like that. So he deflected. "I'm not a kid."

"No, you are most definitely not a kid," Bones drawled. His mouth quirked as he began looking Jim up and down.

Jim panicked. Bones' eyes looked like they were almost devouring him. "What are you doing?"

Bones' gaze followed the line of Jim's shoulders and then his waist. "Wanted to try out the thing you've been doing to me for days. Actually, for weeks."

Jim almost choked. God, this was bad. Just...bad. He stepped back. "Maybe you better... "

"What?" Bones smirked. "Stop?"

Jim nodded dumbly.

"Would _you_ stop?" Bones didn't wait for an answer. He arched a brow. "I really don't think that you would."

Before Jim could step back, Bones closed the distance but his eyes never stopped roaming over Jim. As the doctor's eyes settled on his hips, Jim couldn't breathe. "What are you doing?" He whispered.

"I already told you. I'm doing what you do to me."

Was he that obvious?

Jim's face heated as Bones didn't look up. Jim swallowed the lump in his throat. "Now would... would be a good time for you to go."

Jim had to have screwed things up between them. Or, he would, eventually. And he didn't want to lose his friend. Jim had been an idiot. He really had screwed things up. How could things ever be the same between them now?

Bones looked into his eyes. "Jim, do really want me to leave?" Bones asked softly. "I'll leave, if that's what you want me to do."

Jim didn't want Bones to go anywhere. But he couldn't ask him to stay. He'd already embarrassed himself enough and now Bones was acting in a way Jim had never witnessed before. Bones never just looked at anyone. That wasn't his style. It was Jim's, _had_ been his style, but now he didn't want to look at anyone else.

Jim shook his head no.

"Okay, then," Bones murmured. His eyes practically glowed as he inspected Jim's body. "I'll stay, since you want me to."

"Why are you looking at me?" Jim asked in a rough voice. Bones wasn't one to mess around, but this was new territory for Jim. For Bones. For them both. He couldn't even explain what was happening.

"Because I like to," Bones shrugged. "Don't need any other reason than that."

Jim's heart pumped wildly. "You like staring at my body?"

"Oh, do I," Bones voice slipped over Jim just like his eyes had. "I could stare at it for a very long time. In fact, I have."

"Y...you ha...have?" All of a sudden, Jim felt faint.

"A few months back, a little while before you began watching me."

"I need to sit...to sit down," Jim whispered. The room tilted. His whole world was tilting. Did Bones feel the same way?

He'd felt the same way...maybe even before Jim?

"There's no need for that," Bones said, and in seconds, a warm hand engulfed Jim's own. "Here."

Jim's breath caught as the warmth spread up his arm. Happiness filled his heart as he stared at their entwined fingers. Bones was holding his hand. He was holding his hand, and they weren't even in sickbay. Jim wasn't hurt or dying but still, Bones held his hand tightly. Bones wasn't hurt or dying or...Bones' other arm slipped around Jim's shoulder, bringing them closer together. Jim tried not to think about the doctor's lips that were mere inches from his and tantalizing Jim with their perfection. Was this really happening? Them?

But something familiar began tug at him, tearing him away from the happiness. What was he thinking? He would only hold Bones back. When the day was over, he was still a mess-up, and maybe Bones would leave after all. Jim had to leave first and maybe the hurt wouldn't be so bad if he did it this way. Jim tried to pull away and out distance between them but the arm around him held fast and the doctor's fingers fit around Jim's hand like a shackle.

"Jim, wait," Bones said.

Jim only shook his head. He'd been an idiot. How could this even work? He'd ruin their friendship.

"Look at me. Please," Bones asked, still not letting go.

 _Bones wasn't letting go._ Jim took a deep breath and raised his eyes. Bones wasn't smiling, but something bright and hopeful grew in his eyes and anchored Jim to the floor.

"Don't leave, Jim," Bones asked.

"Bo-oones?" Jim whined. He couldn't take it if this wasn't real. "What are...are y...you doing?"

"You are so adorable when you're like this," Bones chuckled. His arm rested on Jim's shoulder as he stroked the back of Jim's neck with his long, surgeon's fingers in a soothing gesture. Without realizing it, Jim's body gravitated towards him. Bones let go of Jim's hand and brought his other hand around Jim's waist. Jim squirmed but Bones' hand cupped his hip, squeezing it just enough to stop him.

"Ad...d...dorable?" Jim asked, unsure if he should be mortified or not Bones thought he was adorable. And that he'd just stuttered. Dammit. When had he started doing that?

But Bones like this...so close to Jim...he felt so damn good. Jim placed his own hand on the doctor's chest and felt the steady beat of the doctor's heart beneath his fingers. That was Bones. Steady and true. Their faces were so close now. They were almost cheek to cheek, but neither made the move to kiss the other. It was as if they were still testing this out, trying to see what the other would do. Liking the feeling of Bones' strong shoulders, the way that Bones' arms fit around him, and the solid chest underneath his hand, Jim let go. He finally relaxed as the doctor held him in a loose embrace.

"Yes," Bones murmured, his eyes caressing Jim's face. "I know you, Jim. You're a little unsure about yourself, especially after all you've been through. You're unsure about what I'm doing here. Maybe even a little scared, even if it's what you want. You still need me, Jim, but in a different way."

Bones' breath hit his cheek. Jim breathed it in. It was the aroma of Bones - Georgia and peaches and bourbon. It was a scent he could breathe in forever. "Bones," he whispered. If this wasn't what he thought it was, he needed to know...now. "What...?"

Bones slipped his arm completely around Jim's waist. Jim's breath hitched. Their bodies fit so well together, so perfectly, that Jim almost thought he was dreaming. Their eyes met with anticipation. Jim wanted to lose himself in those expressive hazel eyes. They were trimmed with the most beautiful lashes he'd ever seen, but then the doctor pressed in even closer. Jim's heart pumped wildly when their cheeks finally touched. Bones washed over him, the doctor almost consuming him as they embraced.

The doctor murmured in his ear in a smooth, mellowed drawl, his breath sending a pleasant shiver down his back. "Jim, all you need to do, darlin', is to follow my lead. This is what you think it is. I'm here to stay."

Emotion pricked the back of Jim's eyes. He had Bones wrapped around him, in a way he'd only dreamt of for days. Years, if he was to be honest with himself. Jim closed his eyes and drank in Bones. He wanted to savor every last bit of Doctor McCoy in his arms.

Jim then did what he'd wanted to do for weeks, maybe even months. It wasn't an act of passion. It didn't involve moving them to the bedroom. Jim followed Bones' lead, as the doctor had asked. When Bones didn't move, neither did he. They remained where they were as Jim tucked his head into the curve of Bones' neck. This was what he needed, the tender kiss the doctor planted on Jim's head a bonus. This was _Bones_. Alive and well, strong and whole. Here was warmth and strength, assurance that the Southern doctor's promise to stay with Jim was as good as gold.

"Bones?" Jim asked quietly.

"Yes, Jim?"

"You didn't have that arm wrestling match yet, did you?" Jim whispered. "I better not have missed it after all the agonizing I've done these past few weeks."

"So that's what started all of this." Bones chuckled. "No, I did not. I postponed it when you started your shenanigans. I got too distracted worrying about you."

"Oh. If that's the case, I'll make sure I have the best seat in the house so I can cheer you on as you beat Sulu."

"You're captain, Jim," Bones murmured into his hair. "You're supposed to be impartial."

"Mmm, not this time," Jim said, nuzzling the doctor's neck. "Or anytime, for that matter. Not when it comes to you, Bones."

"Huh." The doctor's lips brushed his cheek. "I kind of like your new way of thinking."

What could he say? The arms holding him were the most gentle, yet strongest things about Bones that Jim first loved.


End file.
